STAN BUSH HAS THE FUCKING TOUCH

Take a number, ladies.

As if the guitar-slinging, golden-throated, pussy-magnet shred wizard Stan Bush needs any sort of fucking introduction. You know him, you love him, you most certainly downloaded his finest work on the 1986 Transformers OST BACK HERE, you smoke his fingernail clippings, you masturbate to the liner notes of Higher Than Angels. You fucking know who Stan Bush is.
But on the outside chance that you don't already worship at the Altar of Stan, go to his website, have a look around, then come back here, crack a Carlsberg, and party the fuck down to the dulcet tones of "The Touch" (which most poseurs would probably identify as "that song from Boogie Nights"):



Thoroughly fucking pumped? Good.
Now that the Spirit of The Stan has ungently entered your body, it's time to get down with some super-obscure Bush Trivia. Now, I know what you're thinking: you're assuming this is the part of the post where I tell you that Stan Bush is one of the few people that crossed over between real life and the Transformers universe--via the Generation One, Season 5 scene in which, at an undetermined time period following the creation of the Headmasters and Targetmasters and the seeming defeat of Galvatron and Scorponok, Powermaster Optimus Prime spends a good deal of time relating Transformers stories to the human schoolboy Tommy Kennedy. Of course, after a series of stories wherein he describes the events of the battle with Unicron, Optimus Prime has to depart to attend an interstellar peace conference in the midst of a barrage of questions from Tommy. As he is blasting off, Prime declares "But until I return, I leave you with 'The Touch'!" Following this, the music video for "The Touch" begins, giving Stan his rare entrance into the fantastical realm of Transformers lore. This unprecedented appearance is also important when you consideHOLY FUCK THERE'S A LAZER COMING OUT OF HIS GUITAR.



But you guys all knew that shit already. I'm going deep on this one, into previously undiscovered regions of Bush Arcana. I will apologize in advance for your blown mind, for by the time you've finished reading this post you will be absolutely done for the day--no longer able to process any sort of information whatsoever.

I'll give it to you as quickly and bluntly as I know how:

In 2009, Stan Bush recorded a "re-imagining" of "The Touch" for the live-action sequel Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen, a hella sick Linkin Park inspired rip-off gem which fuses the seemingly unconnected worlds of simpering 80's wuss-rock and post-90's rap-metal. No further introduction is needed.

Enjoy Listen:



Needless to say, director Michael Bay rejected the song outright, leaving Bush to post it, forgotten, like a sad bunk sock hanging from an inner-city clothesline, on his own website. Until today, that is.

Sorry for raping all of your childhoods once again. My bad.

Thanks to Doan at the illustrious Kissing Contest podcast for alerting me to the existence of this timeless jam. Kill yourself.