SERIOUSLY. WHO THE FUCK IS IN CHARGE HERE?!?! THIS PLACE IS MAJORLY FUCKED! THERE IS SHIT EVERYWHERE! MANSLAUGHTER! ARE THESE YOUR FUCKING DIRTY DISHES?! IN THE FUCKING BATHROOM?!? WHAT. THE. FUCK. SEANFORD! IS THIS YOUR FUCKING JIZZRAG?!?! ON THE COFFEE TABLE? SERIOUSLY? HAVE SOME FUCKING DIGNITY, MAN. DUDE! AYLMER! ARE THESE YOUR FUCKING EMPTIES?!?! ON THE FUCKING WINDOW SILL? YOU KNOW THE FUCKING LANDLORD IS GONNA SEE THAT SHIT, RIGHT?!?! JESUS.
That being said, I'd like to wish myself a hearty "WELCOME HOME" from a week of tropical frolicking. Unfortunately, my ramblings will be brief this Labor Day morning as I have massive amounts of cleaning to do here at ICHQ. Fucking slobs.
Anyway, a couple quick bullet points before I bust out the Fabreze and Draino:
- First off, some more shit to make fun of me for:
That's right, another shameless and humiliating attempt at publicity. Use these new buttons accordingly, depending on your (guh) "social networking" site of preference. Yes, I know it's fucking corny. Necessary evils, my brothers.
- Second, a hearty (and OFFICIAL) "WELCOME ABOARD" to our new contributors SCHULTZ (left) and THE THING THAT SHOULD NOT BE (right), correspondents from Tokyo and Manchester, repectively. Stoked to have you guys here. Man, I go out of town for seven days and all of the sudden IllCon is on FOUR CONTINENTS! (go ahead, count 'em.)
- Lastly: You guys knew I wasn't gonna come back from paradise without a present, right? Hell naw.
Well, speaking of The Thing and Schultzy, I was reminded of the Bay Area's DUH by a comment the former left on the latter's post about Steel Pole Bath Tub a couple days back, and was instantly launched into nostalgic revelry regarding this so-bad-they-were-good oddity. Yes, Duh wished like Hell that they could be Alice Donut, but despite landing a deal with Alternative Tentacles and extensive touring with The Melvins, they never came close. These guys were something of a nebulous SF "supergroup", counting among their ranks Spazz's Chris Dodge and Faith No More's Dean Menta (a fact they memorialized with the song "Our Guitarist Is In Faith No More"). But sometimes the whole can be less than the sum of it many flagellating parts. I'll admit it: this, their 1995 album The Unholy Handjob, can be nigh unto TERRIBLE at times, but it holds a special place in this writer's heart, grating though it may be. Check out their cover of the "Three's Company" theme song. Listen to the obnoxious live clips. Give "Swallow The Pill" a listen and tell me there aren't at least hints of genius therein. Really, I want you to have this. Really.
FUCKING DUH (dl)
Check out these assholes on the AT website.
Firstly - why do I overlap with the picture of the Duh sleeve? *narrows eyes 'menacingly'* Are you saying i look like a retard?
ReplyDeleteSecondly - It was like that when i got here!
and thirdly - THE best thing about Duh is having tracks called 'Solo Hanneman' and 'Solo King' on Blowhard.
It's becuz you're using Firefox aka you are retarded.
ReplyDeleteDUDE those dishes were Peter's dad...why doesn't Peter ever get in trouble? Why you gotta play favorites dad? Is it because i'm a girl? I mean, I know peter doesn't throw weed all over your living room, but i thought jay would be stoked!!!
ReplyDeletePS- WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY POOKA SHELLS?!?!?!
I brought you back something much better than puka shells. You need only come and retrieve these gifts.
ReplyDeleteOh man, how'd you squeeze a dolphin in your bathtub??? Thanks dude!!!
ReplyDeleteMEGA-LOLZ. I CAN HAZ RETARDED.
ReplyDeleteWelcome back dad, thanks for my hula skirt. Manslaughter, your new profile pic is freaking me out. Cobras what browser do you use?
ReplyDeleteSafari and Explorer. The buttons are fucked up in firefox, i know. Fuck Firefox.
ReplyDeleteWhy can't HTML work the same with every browser?
i always get DUH and superconductor confused I dunno why?
ReplyDeleteI get lots of bugs when writing and publishing in blogger. Didn't even occur to me that it was my browser. Quite appropriate for this post I guess - DUH. I've got a PC and was thinking of trying Chrome. Any good?
ReplyDeleteNever tried Chrome. I've always figured Safari and Explorer worked, why fuck with a good thing?
ReplyDelete